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Self-Love Lesson: Embracing Your Singleness
Uh oh! Travelers, it’s time for a vulnerable lifestyle post! We’re talking about love and singleness today. Brace yourselves.
If you’re thinking, “I’m confused, this is a travel blog! What is this dating nonsense doing here?,” then I advise you return to Blond Wayfarer’s homepage.
Pick something more worldly, haha. I have a lot of cool destinations and guides available for your reading pleasure.
Anyway, for those of you staying, the concept of “singleness” has been on my mind a lot lately. I’ve spent many days throughout the summer thinking about my life and what scenarios would make me happiest in this world. Personal reflection has been very valuable for me.
And I think I’m a better person for accepting this quiet time. Peace was a great gift to give myself especially after this hectic year.
Why Embracing Your Singleness is Important
So why did I need long afternoons on the beach where I contemplated the meaning of my existence? Where I thought about the future at great length? Where I envisioned different outcomes for the future? What caused all this contemplation?
You guessed it, friends! Heartbreak and singleness woes.
Man, oh, man. My romantic life is basically a comedy of errors. Shakespeare would actually shake his head in despair. I’m not joking.
Now I won’t give out specifics in case any of my exes turn out to be sue happy, haha, and honestly, no one needs to read the personal details anyway.
Let’s just say, after dealing with a classic blindsided breakup, I decided to spend all my weekends exploring New York City to nurse my broken heart. Quality time in one of my favorite cities did so much good for my mental health.
And then the beach. Oh, the beach made me so content. Who doesn’t like listening to the waves crashing against rocks and sand? I’m pretty tan too, which is also cool.
This summer I think I’ve finally learned why embracing singleness is so important.
The best and longest relationship is the one you have with yourself. You are in your own head 24/7. It’s mandatory to love you.
How to Embrace Your Singleness
Time for some good news! Like I said, I’m finally at a place where embracing my singleness is truly possible.
For example, I haven’t logged into dating apps in weeks, and honestly, I haven’t felt the desire to do so either. I might delete them entirely.
Instead I’m far more focused on my fall and winter travel plans than I am men. Gotta have great material for the blog!
Not to mention, I have tons of ideas for meeting new likeminded people (as friends), as well as day trips to several towns I want to explore in New Jersey. I want to sign up for a hiking club. I want to see more museums in New York. I want to try yoga and possibly take a retreat.
For the first time in years, dating is taking a back seat. I’m not saying I won’t date at all, but I think the days of me wearing my heart on my sleeve, throwing myself completely at someone else, are done forever.
Instead I see dating as a way of adding to my already amazing life rather than some huge scary task that I need to accomplish or otherwise I’m a failure.
Now I’m not gonna sit here and claim it’s super duper easy to embrace singleness, especially if you were blindsided by someone who you thought had potential to change your life. I mean, we all know how much it hurts.
So here are my top methods for accepting (and loving!) your solo status.
1. Practice Self-Care Every Single Day.
Treat yourself well. Make yourself a priority. The priority.
Self-care takes many forms. It means eating healthy meals, drinking lots of water, and getting plenty of sleep. It also means treating yourself to special surprises such as a spur of the moment trip to Broadway.
And self-care doesn’t always mean spending money on pedicures and concert tickets. Dedication to self-love can even be as simple as giving yourself five minutes of mediation in the morning and evening.
As much as caring for other people is great, embracing your singleness lets you put yourself on a pedestal. Enjoy every second.
2. Nourish Relationships with Friends and Family.
Romantic relationships are prioritized in a lot of societies, which makes embracing singleness difficult. But, in all honesty, don’t forget about the other important people in your life.
I mean, think about it. As women, we all know a female friend who fell off the face of the earth the literal second she got a boyfriend. It’s so unhealthy.
So spend time grabbing lunch with a close friend or take a shopping trip with your mom. These moments will show you that you’re important to other people.
And if you don’t have many friends? Get out there and meet people! Join meetup groups. Go to the yoga class down the street. Strike a conversation with a stranger in a coffee shop. Connections still exist in the real world.
3. Pursue a Passion Project or Business.
I think it’s incredibly fulfilling to discover your life’s purpose and build your dream business around it.
In my case, I have plenty of ideas to grow my blog and lots of great posts to write. Helping travelers and empowering women inspires me to my very core.
Furthermore, I want to develop more writing about wellness and travel, and how we can improve our collective mental health through exploration and adventure.
So use the extra time to build something that will make you smile every single morning. Your online business will never wake up and decide it doesn’t want to be with you – unless, of course, Google decides to blacklist it, haha.
4. Go Traveling Someplace New and Exciting (duh!).
Of course I’d mention travel in a dating post! Go and see the world now. Right now.
And, for the love of god, don’t you dare wait for the perfect relationship to travel somewhere you’ve always wanted to see in person. You’re free to do whatever you want.
Traveling alone might feel scary, but I promise it’s one of the best gifts to give yourself. The memories will last an entire lifetime.
To help get you started, I have plenty of suggestions for first time travel destinations for your big solo adventure particularly if you’re nervous about such a big leap.
Read More: How to Travel Alone for the First Time (FAQ)
5. Avoid Reading Online Dating Advice & Help Books.
Eek, I guess I’m a hypocrite since I write a lot about love and confidence on this blog, but eh, whatever. Time for real talk.
A lot of online dating information is overwhelmingly negative and forces people to behave in ways not true to themselves.
Need some examples? Speaking for women, we’re constantly told not to be too available, act busy and not text right away, rarely show emotion and play “the cool girl” if we’re upset, and not to move too fast in the dating process because otherwise we won’t be taken “seriously.” Dating advice revolves around not scaring him away.
… sounds exhausting and horrible, right?
Oh, and then if the relationship doesn’t work out, dating gurus love to say that it was probably all our fault because we were too needy and someone else was better prepared for his super special quirks. Spare me.
I haven’t read dating advice geared toward men, but I’m sure it’s just as terrible. Guys, let me know.
Unshockingly, this garbage will make you constantly second guess yourself and then eat away at your self-worth. Instead stay true to your own values. Meaning don’t let modern dating transform you into an emotionally unavailable loser. Be you.
6. Learn New Things About Our World
As a single person, you now have to spare time to read nonfiction books, listen to cool podcasts, and take classes.
I’ve made reading a big priority this summer. Books relax me, and I love learning new facts and ways of thinking. I feel it makes me a more well-rounded and inspiring person.
I also have time to go back to kickboxing classes and hopefully return to a healthier weight. Learning how to build physical strength increases confidence too.
Give yourself a big education outside of the classroom.
Final Thoughts On Singleness to Remember
As I’ve said, embracing singleness isn’t exactly easy, but it’s so worth it for improving your sense of happiness and your mental health.
I know it’s not easy. Our society glorifies being in a relationship and diminishes other forms of accomplishment. Meanwhile, rejection can take a toll on your self-esteem. I completely get it.
Below, I’ve written some supportive bits of advice that took me a very long time to accept. I hope my words help you feel amazing.
1. Your Relationship Status Isn’t a Reflection of You.
Argh, I know I’ve occasionally fallen into this mental trap, but regardless of societal messaging, your single status doesn’t mean you’ve failed as an adult or that you have a freakish personality defect driving everyone away.
Ultimately, most successful relationships result from great luck and timing. That’s it. Couples aren’t as special as you think they are, I promise.
As for the bad relationships? Why the hell would you want to get tangled in one of them? Speaking from personal experience, I am a million times happier alone than I was dating men who weren’t great for me. I’d take singleness any day of the week. The uncertainty and drama exhausted me.
Not to mention, you guys, I listen to enough True Crime podcasts to confirm the validity behind this statement. Need some examples?
Someone married Ted Bundy when he was on trial for kidnapping and murder. Yet another married (and had children with) Karla Homolka who was responsible for the murder of her 15 year old sister. I rest my case.
2. Dating Shouldn’t Be An Excuse to Pursue Activities.
Ugh, whatever you do, don’t use being single as an excuse not to do and see things. Life will simply pass you by.
Instead of staying home, get dressed wearing the clothes you want to wear, and then venture to to the cool places you want to go.
For instance, you don’t need a date to sit at the bar of a new highly acclaimed restaurant and buy a fabulous dinner. Just go and do it! The world is your oyster.
3. Modern Dating Sucks. Trust Me, It’s Not You.
Honestly, modern dating brings out the most horrifically self-centered behavior in a lot people. It’s unbelievable.
If we treated friendships the same way as dating prospects, we’d all behave like bitter hermits who are “too cool for school,” I swear. You need thick skin in the dating realm.
Why the sheer awfulness? Thanks to dating apps, people are convinced a better option exists right around the corner, and therefore, they’re super hesitant to commit to anyone. Alessandra Ambrosio would even have trouble in this swipe culture, haha.
Believe me, it’s not you and rejection is not personal. For example, I know absolute powerhouse women, who are fit, intelligent, beautiful, and successful, who still get ghosted and led on by non-communicative guys. And I doubt such lousy behavior is limited to the New York/New Jersey metro area either.
Accept that modern dating creates an environment ripe for selfishness. And then act on that knowledge.
How do you do that? By protecting your inner peace.
Don’t prioritize someone who won’t do the same for you. Don’t act like someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend if the object of your affections is still dating other people. Realize someone’s opinion of you isn’t necessarily right. Cut people off if they act emotionally unavailable or hurtful. Cut them off doubly if their actions make you feel bad about yourself.
Stay true to yourself and your needs, and all should be well in the end.
Read More: Should I Travel with a Broken Heart?
4. Your Personal Standards Greatly Soar.
By creating your best life, your personal standards will rise. As a direct result, the only people permitted to enter your world need to bring something special to the table. Your tolerance for drama and nonsense will shrink to nothing.
Truthfully, you’ll be too busy seeing friends, exploring new places, and taking fitness classes to have time for someone who is lukewarm about you.
Sure, having higher standards might mean you’re single even longer. But is that a bad thing? I don’t think so.
I hope I helped you on the road to embracing your singleness. How have you dealt with singleness and dating? What self-worth tips would you add to this post? Share all your thoughts in the comments. Thanks for supporting the blog! You guys are fantastic!